Working Through Shame

Shame is a powerful and complex emotion that involves a deep sense of embarrassment, humiliation, or self-disapproval. It arises when an individual believes they have violated social norms, their own moral code, or the expectations of others. Here are some key aspects of shame:

• Self-Evaluation: Shame often involves negative self-evaluation and self-criticism. Individuals experiencing shame may view themselves as fundamentally flawed or unworthy.
• Social and Cultural Influence: Shame is influenced by societal and cultural norms and expectations. What one culture or society considers shameful may differ from another.
• Isolation: Shame tends to be an isolating emotion. People often feel the need to hide or withdraw when experiencing shame because they fear judgment or rejection from others.
• Impact on Behavior: Shame can have a profound impact on behavior. It may lead to avoidance of situations that trigger shame, or it can result in self-destructive behaviors as individuals try to cope with their feelings.
• Difference from Guilt: While guilt involves feeling bad about a specific action or behavior, shame is a more pervasive feeling of inadequacy or unworthiness about one’s entire self. Guilt is about what one has done, while shame is about who one believes they are. Brene Brown has researched shame and guilt extensively and has many videos and articles on this. Check one of the TedTalks here.
• Developmental and Psychological Aspects: Shame can be rooted in early childhood experiences and may be linked to attachment issues, trauma, or critical parenting.
• Coping Mechanisms: People often develop coping mechanisms to deal with shame, such as denial, perfectionism, or self-blame, which can have long-term consequences for mental health.

It’s important to note that while shame can be a normal and adaptive emotion, excessive or chronic shame can be detrimental to mental well-being. Therapeutic approaches often aim to help individuals understand and manage their shame in healthy ways, such as through self-compassion and self-acceptance

Therapeutic approaches:

Therapeutic approaches to shame aim to help individuals understand, manage, and transform their shame in healthier ways. Here are some therapeutic techniques and approaches commonly used to address shame:

• Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT): CBT can help individuals identify and challenge negative thought patterns and beliefs that contribute to shame. Clients learn to reframe self-critical thoughts and develop more balanced and compassionate self-perceptions.
• Mindfulness-Based Approaches: Mindfulness practices can help individuals become more aware of their emotions, including shame, without judgment. Mindfulness techniques encourage self-compassion and non-reactivity to difficult emotions.
• Self-Compassion: Therapists may guide clients in cultivating self-compassion, which involves treating oneself with the same kindness and understanding one would offer to a friend. Self-compassion can counteract self-criticism and shame.
• Narrative Therapy: This approach helps clients reframe their life stories in a more empowering way. By exploring the narratives that contribute to their shame, individuals can reconstruct their self-identity.
• EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing): EMDR is often used for individuals who have experienced traumatic events that contribute to shame. It can help process and reframe traumatic memories.
• Group Therapy: Group therapy settings can provide a safe space for individuals to share their experiences of shame, reduce isolation, and receive support and validation from others facing similar challenges.
• Inner Child Work: Some therapies, like Inner Child work or Schema Therapy, explore the early experiences that contributed to feelings of shame and help clients re-parent their inner child with nurturing and self-acceptance.
• Art and Expressive Therapies: Creative therapies, such as art, music, or dance therapy, can offer non-verbal ways for clients to explore and express their feelings of shame.
• Shame-Resilience Work: Based on the research of Brené Brown, shame-resilience work focuses on recognizing shame triggers, understanding vulnerability, and developing strategies to build resilience against shame.
• Psychodynamic Therapy: Psychodynamic approaches delve into the underlying, often unconscious, dynamics that contribute to shame. Exploring early attachment experiences and defense mechanisms can be part of this process.

The choice of therapeutic approach may depend on the individual’s unique experiences and needs. A skilled therapist will tailor the approach to best address the client’s specific struggles with shame and work collaboratively toward healing and self-acceptance. 

If you are looking for marriage therapy or individual in Loveland, CO or surrounding areas, contact me! I can also offer online therapy for the state of Colorado and Wyoming. Let’s get started on creating a more fulfilling life!